Author: Rebecca Gilbreath

A Step of Consistency – Find Your Even Place Part II

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Last week in A Step of Clarity- Find Your Even Place Part I, I shared a few thoughts on clearing space in the home and in my mind and heart. In my search for level ground amid the present challenging phase of life, instead of starting something new, I stopped doing a few things that were distracting from my work as a wife and mom. There seemed to be for me a lot of extra distractions from outside sources that were limiting me from living well and being all present. I stopped signing up for new and interesting e-mails and unsubscribed from ones which were no longer of interest or that I never read. The e-mail subscriptions, while good and potentially helpful, were piling up in my inbox and I was spending time on deleting them every week without ever reading any of them. I deactivated all social media accounts to clear my head and to focus on my own home. With my husband facing total hip replacement this month, I needed to eliminate distractions for more mental clarity.

This week, I am sharing “A Step of Consistency”. Look and Clear 3 has been my key thought process recently and it has been very beneficial in keeping the house running and in ‘presentable’ shape. Rather than being overwhelmed by a long to-do list, I look for three things needing to be done. When I am in the bathroom getting ready for the morning, instead of fretting over finding time to thoroughly clean, I pick three areas in need of attention – which varies from day to day. Clean off the counter, sweep, and throw away the trash. Another day I do three different tasks; wipe down the mirror, the sinks, and clean the toilet quickly. The same goes for other areas in the house. I wipe down, clean or tidy up, throw away, or shred three things and move on with the day. At first, it didn’t seem like much, but there is a noticeable difference by the end of the week. My tendency is to do all or nothing which can be very overwhelming. An all or nothing frame of mind hinders clarity and consistency in managing my day well.

In my continuing journey to own less, the “Look and Clear 3” mindset is helpful in this area of life as well. (For more on this, see my blog post: The Journey to Less Stuff.) The task of going through old boxes, drawers, and files can be mind-numbing. If I regularly take care of just three items, I still feel a sense of accomplishment in clearing space and getting organized. I want to manage what I have well, be intentional about what I own, and move forward wisely in the time I spend caring for things.

If you are feeling stressed by tasks left undone, try taking a quick look around in the space you are in throughout the day and consistently clear three things which are immediately noticeable. I am confident that within a week, you will notice a difference in the level of peace in your home and in your heart and mind.

My foot standeth in an even place: in the congregations will I bless the Lord.

Psalm 26:12

A Step of Clarity – Find Your Even Place Part I

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In The Journey to Less Stuff, Stable and Satisfied, and Grace Goals for July, I have written about my need to declutter, get organized, and own less ‘stuff’. I went through this process a few years ago and made great strides.

  • Old high school and college photo albums were looked through one last time and while I have great memories, I realized I no longer needed to hold on to them. Photos and saved greeting cards were shredded or recycled.
  • Homeschool material I had kept was shredded or recycled and books were donated that my son did not want to keep. Because he had become a college student, I no longer needed to hold on to all that paper! (I had files of school work and shelves of books from over the years.)
  • My mother’s box of memories that was given to me was just that- her memories. I kept a few photos, my son wanted her 4-H notebook, but anything else in there had no special attachment since I was three years old when she passed away. I realized I was close to my mother’s side of the family and the memories they and my dad’s side of the family share of her meant more to me than her school yearbooks and scrapbooks. That box of her memories had been through seven states and one foreign country and stored in a corner of a closet or garage. It was time to do something with it.
  • Series of books I had loved but no longer read were given to a friend who I thought might enjoy them.  
  • Note: It may seem harsh or unfeeling to ‘dispose’ of sentimental items such as photo albums, old notes from friends, things given to me, but I knew I had to say “enough” at some point -enough of storing things in drawers, files, or boxes left untouched for long periods of time. I wanted to manage what I had well, be intentional about what I owned, and move forward wisely in time spent caring for things.

My foot standeth in an even place: in the congregations will I bless the Lord.

Psalm 26:12

When I went through this process a few years ago, I had the theme in mind of finding an “even place” or a balanced perspective. It became increasingly difficult to ‘bless the Lord’ when I felt overwhelmed. There was so much I possessed that I did not need anymore. I felt indifferent to a lot of things I had been keeping for one reason or another. I had a difficult time, though, in knowing where to start. I lacked clarity of mind to make that first decision on what to empty, throw out, or donate first. What I started with back in 2016 was not in finding a place to start, but in figuring out what to stop. I wanted to articulate what was adding stress or more pressure. I needed space to breathe, to think, and to restore. And things that were taking up space which took my breath away due to frustration, I needed to clear.

I am at that place again, so I am revisiting what I had done a few years ago to make more headway in clearing space- whether physically (in a closet, on a shelf, etc.), emotionally, or mentally. And I do believe clearing space affects my spiritual life as well.

The first place to find some balance is with internet ‘stuff’ and this is how I am seeking clarity:

  • I am stopping all social media. I deactivated my Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest. There is a lot of negativity, over-sharing, information overload, scrolling and scrolling on my part, and distracting ‘mental noise’ for me right now. I told my husband the other day I felt my brain was ‘quieter’ since taking a step away. I felt I could be more mindful about my time. I could focus more on me and what I needed to be doing rather than what the masses were doing. I still keep in touch with those close to me through text or through Messenger.
  • I am stopping signing up for new recipes, health news, weight loss helps, gardening tips, etc. E-mails pile up and I never get around to reading all of them. If I need to look something up, Google is readily available.

While it is a meager start, it is a start nonetheless. It is where I began on the journey to find level ground a few years ago. When I stepped away from social media, I felt a nice quietness to my thoughts. When I started cleaning up the e-mails, I was able to see clearly the messages which needed a response.

There is more to come on clearing up space in my next entry: A Step of Consistency – Find Your Even Place Part II. For this week, though, I am stopping a few things that are distracting from my work as a wife and mom and seeking clarity of mind.

If you are seeking for clarity, maybe instead of looking to start something new, consider STOPPING something first–something that may be hindering your focus on what really matters in your life. Take a step back. Evaluate what is important. Clear some space. Breathe.


Grace Goals for July

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My foot standeth in an even place: in the congregations will I bless the Lord.

Psalm 26:12

A few years ago on my former blog, I wrote a series of posts about finding balance in life with stuff. We had just made a decision to simplify our work in ministry and my husband made a leap of faith to enroll in college courses to become a full time student. We felt overwhelmed. We felt at odds with ourselves, our finances, and our stuff that had built up over the years. He is now a college graduate, but due to the need to have both hips replaced, looking for work has been put on hold. We are thankful for his veteran benefits due to time served in the Navy. The blog post series entitled “Finding Your Even Place” was written in 2016. Three years later, we still have need for balance in some areas. Over the last few years, we have downsized quite a bit, but lately we have found that we could work on it a bit more. I am finding the more stuff we own, the more we have to manage it, find a place for it, clean it, etc.

In studying through the Psalms that year, I referred often to the phrase which became our new mantra; “My foot standeth in an even place” -Psalm 26:11. 

An even place: balanced, steady, continuous, unwavering.

I did not know where to begin in finding an ‘even place’ or balance with issues that felt overwhelming. There had been so much going on in my mind of things I needed to clear out that were weighing me down, but I had too much that was weighing me down to do what needed doing. All that added stress. And who needs more stress??? And now with my husband facing two hip replacement surgeries and physical therapy, among other life challenges, I am definitely needing a steady frame of mind. Another Scripture verse which stood out to me is in Hebrews.

Let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us…and let us run with patience the race that is set before us.

Hebrews 12:1

I still think of that verse often as, again, I am going through my closets, desk drawers, papers that need to be shred. Stuff (especially things I do not really need but I have due to various reasons) tends to be a distraction and takes away from a peaceful frame of mind.

While we have made great strides over the last three years in cleaning out items we no longer need, we could do another revision. For July, I am revisiting the old blog posts, renewing purpose to find more balance, and rewriting the posts with fresh perspective.

Coming up next: A Step of Clarity

Stable and Satisfied

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Faith does not eliminate questions. But faith knows where to take them.

Elisabeth Elliot

In my last blog entry, The Journey to Less Stuff, I shared about working to live with less. I have been reading a lot of blog posts and articles about simple living and about living satisfied with simple pleasures. Sometimes a lack of contentment in God’s provisions stems from a lack of confidence. I tend to compare my ‘stuff’, status in life, and self to others. What holds me back from fully trusting is not what I have, but what I think I don’t have. I believe, though, that when I am a good steward with what I am graced with and I live well with His graces, contentment follows. And when “Thy will be done” becomes the heart’s desire, it is then that my mind is stable and satisfied with God in the lead.

I may not understand where God has me right now. I may not know why God created me a certain way. But when I take my eyes off Him and look on the lives of others or to self for answers, I lack wisdom.

“If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord.”

James 1:5-7

God gives wisdom generously and without scolding when I ask for it in full faith. But when I go back and forth between trusting and uncertainty, He knows that I am like a sea’s wave moved by winds of doubt. And God does not reward a double minded mindset.

Faith in God still has questions. Lots of them. But stability and satisfaction comes from looking to the right Source for the answers and being wise enough to know that God has His own timing in everything to reveal a matter- even if it means something to know only when I get to Heaven. True faith is confident to take those questions to the throne of Grace and leave them there.

The Journey to Less Stuff

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People overestimate the pleasure they’ll get from having more stuff. This does not apply to new rose bushes, crayons, or yarn stashes.

Dr. SunWolf

In every place John and I have lived in, we have always had a closet, a bedroom, a shed, a garage dedicated to boxes of stuff. I had photos albums from high school, family photos, things that had belonged to my mother, memories from college, clothes I had hoped to fit in to again someday, and etc. John had his boxes of memories, too…and etc. Since we have been married, we have lived in seven states and one foreign country. And with those moves, we carried those boxes of stuff. I do not remember what officially sparked being fed up with having so much, but I do know I was tired of having to find places for it. I do know that if we ever move, I do not want to take all that stuff with me again. I do know that in the desert area where I live, dust falls on everything. And I do mean, e v e r y t h i n g. If I don’t wear a shirt for awhile that has been hanging in the closet, a layer of dust will be on the shoulders of the shirt and it has to be washed before I can wear it. Or if I hadn’t shampooed our bedroom carpet in the seven years we have lived here (just for a possible example), a layer of sand and dust will be found on baseboards hidden behind dressers…which have their own layer of dust because it is annoying to move things off dressers to thoroughly dust.

Everything we own is something we have to think about- how to store it, how to clean it, or how to use it and when left too long, the task to organize becomes overwhelming. I had saved old college papers I had written, my husband had his school papers he had saved. We had books, old letters, photos, and little bits and pieces such as keys, and coins, and dead batteries. Some of that was found in a bucket we had used to clean out the truck a long while ago; we just moved the items to another location and cluttered up another space. In the last few years, we have been convicted over being better stewards over our possessions and have been figuring out how to live with just what we need. Anything we own, we want it to have a purpose and we want to manage it and our time well. Time spent cleaning, sorting, organizing years of stuff is not the way we want to spend our days.

I loved the quote at the top of the page because we have, indeed, overestimated the pleasure of having stuff and the journey to possessing less stuff is a lot of work because it affects every area of life from clothing, to books, to papers, to memorabilia, to appliances, to furniture. I also loved the top statement because it implies that you can never have enough pleasure from roses. While I may not get too much pleasure from crayons or stashes of yarn, I do love my roses and wouldn’t mind a few more in the yard. Everyone in the family enjoys them and they add a different, simple sort of pleasure to our summer.

Speaking of roses, here are June’s #straygifts (photo of a rose included) with the themes of finding something: early, tiny, sunny, and in the shadows.

  1. Morning Glories are starting to show up in various places in the yard. The time to see them in bloom is early morning.
  2. Red roses are thriving in a sunny spot. There are more on the bush, but I loved this one in particular because of the sun rays.
  3. I have no idea what these tiny flowers are. I believe these flowers came from the birdseeds the birds like to scatter from their feeder.
  4. In the shadows, a sunflower is growing – from the same birdseed package as the flower growing in photo number three.
Pleasure is spread through the earth in stray gifts to be claimed by whoever shall find.
-William Wordsworth, 1806

Grace Goals for June

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Simplicity and harmony are the ultimate conditions to be attained in all things.

H. Fletcher

Simplicity and harmony. A thousand times, yes. I mentioned in my post, Grace Goals for May, that we were having company, life was busy, my husband was about to graduate from college, and we were still waiting for him to see an orthopedic surgeon to discuss hip replacement surgery on both hips. Update: All three sets of company have come and gone and we enjoyed their visits. I am still getting our house back in order here and there. My husband John is now a college graduate. Hooray! He barely made it through the ceremony as it was lengthy, but he is glad he put the effort in to walk across the stage. He has talked with the surgeon who will operate and the date for that is near the end of July. John is still in a lot of pain and is having difficulty sleeping and being comfortable. The end of July seems so far away! My dad just received more steroid shots in L4 and L5 of his back due to degenerating disks that are painful. We have had a lot going on and I feel a bit overwhelmed.

For simplicity’s sake and for harmony in the days, I have completely gone away from Instagram and Pinterest. I am signing off of Facebook for awhile as well. Many times, I catch myself scrolling through posts and photos when maybe I should be resting my eyes instead or throwing in a load of laundry. My husband would add possibly baking cookies in the kitchen, haha. It’s a thought. I can’t decide weather to make oatmeal or peanut butter cookies. Either way, it’s on the ‘agenda’ for the weekend. I am trying to do what I can do simply every day to regain energy and keep up strength to help take care of things that need to be done around the house and for the family. John can just not sign in to Facebook for months at a time. I am an ‘all or nothing’ kind of person and, right now, social media has to be put on hold for awhile. I would like to write a bit more here and in keeping with simplicity and harmony theme, just keep it on the blog right now. It feels good to write something again and not ponder whether to post it in four other places on social media. Four less decisions to make, really, which then frees up time to go start dinner…or laundry…or cookies.

I am still looking for the stray gifts in the days and have some photos coming to share. I do like having a theme and the four photo topics I have chosen are: things found early, things that are tiny, things that are sunny, and things found in the shadows. It feels like a treasure hunt of sorts and it gets me outside looking to see what I can see.

I am observing ways to keep things simple and in harmony with family, health, and life and as always, keeping a record of graces.

Stop Apologizing, Start Thanking

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I am fluent in the language of apologizing, especially in seasons of hardship or illness. I am usually the one taking care of everyone in the house, yet when I need them to take care of me, I apologize and feel guilty that the guys are doing “too much”. They assure me it is no problem and feel no need for apologies because we take care of each other. And I am reminded that others do take joy in being a help when given the opportunity.

My husband John has been going through a rough time as he has been waiting for the VA to set up an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon. He has been in constant pain for over a year now. His doctor would not listen to John’s request for help until this April when more X-rays were taken and it was confirmed that John needs both hips replaced. As the weeks go by, my husband is barely walking, sleeping little, and needs help putting on socks, getting something to eat or drink, walking up and down stairs, and walking anywhere, really. He apologizes often that we are doing so much when he can do so little right now. Good news, though- an appointment with a surgeon is set for this Wednesday (June 5).

Often we apologize for needing help with something. I apologize for needing help with dinner sometimes. My son who has an “absent minded professor” mentality, apologizes for needing help with organization. My dad apologizes for needing me to drive him to doctor appointments or on errands when he does not feel well.

I saw this visual on Facebook awhile back and I loved it. It is a timely reminder. I showed it to my family and we are trying to change from offering apologies to offering thanks. Are you like me who feels the need to apologize when you need help, for when you are running late, for when you are feeling more sensitive? No more guilt, but instead, gratefulness for those who stand along side and who are patiently supportive.

Grace Goals for May

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“Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.”

Quoted to me many years ago by my friend Carolyn

What happened to grace goals for May?? Life. That’s what happened. And with life, comes the need for flexibility in plans and in desired outcomes. I have still been writing and sharing different things on Facebook, but have not had the time to do any sort of study theme. And I’m ok with that. I was busy helping my husband (John) and son (Jonathan) to the finish line of the end of the semester, getting ready for my niece to visit us, and keeping the house running. John and Jonathan have now finished another semester and John is a college graduate at the age of forty-seven! Jonathan plans to take summer courses and the next step for John is hip replacement surgery. He is in a tremendous amount of pain and the VA has put in a consult for him to see an orthopedic surgeon.

My niece will be with us a few more days before friends visit and then my brother and sister-in-law and their crew of four kids are coming. I see no study themes in the near future, and again, I’m ok with that. I may post short things here and there as I have time and share on the blog a few things I have already put on Facebook over the last month. I choose the grace of being flexible! I am still noticing the stray gifts and am so thankful for new mercies every day.

Silver Ribbons

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“Seasonal Joys” has been the topic of study for April on Facebook and on the blog here and today’s post fits right in with finding joy in every season. It is a post about the journey of letting the white hairs on my head grow out. It isn’t my typical sort of thing I write about and I have been debating about sharing this journey. This topic is relevant to this month’s theme because as I learn to embrace this season of life I am in, I find joy in the simplicity of this ‘process’. It requires no money. It requires no extra time or effort. It does require patience and the steel will to LEAVE IT ALONE. And maybe some purple shampoo to tone down the chemicals I have had in my hair for ages. I am tempted often to run back to Celeste who cuts and colors my hair. When I talked to her about this in January, she was very encouraging. She said the NUMBER ONE thing that stops people from going through with it, is the judgement from other “well-meaning” people. I am thankful for support from my family! My son is fascinated with the progress and has been photo documenting my journey.

I have no idea exactly how long I have been coloring my hair. According to photos of my younger self, my hair seemed to be a mix of blonde and brown which then turned into a really nice auburn color. I think I was twelve years old in the photo on the right -before I started getting perms in the 80’s and 90’s.

Once in high school, I sprayed a product in my hair that was supposed to add blonde highlights. My hair turned orange! I colored my hair darker a few times in college. On the left is a photo of my grandpa and me taken during a summer in between semesters. On the right, is me after college graduation teaching in a small Christian school. And my hair was black. By this time, I was learning to not get distracted while waiting for the timer to go off and for the color to set. If I leave color on too long, this is what happens. (Like the time I put (what I thought was) reddish hair color in and it turned dark purple/maroon. True story.)

April 2014

…Also what happens when a professional gets distracted and leaves color on too long- it turns black. And there is nothing you can do about it but let it grow out and keep cutting it. Nothing. I specifically asked the hairstylist NOT to leave hair color on for even the recommended amount of time as my hair takes quickly to coloring. I cried. I found a new hairstylist. Enter the aforementioned Celeste who is a good listener.

I need to back up a few years to 2003 when another natural change in my hair happened. Sixteen years ago to this day, I gave birth to my second son who was stillborn. In the year after, my hair started to change from straight to curly. I had no idea what to do with it! I continued using hot rollers (because my teenage years were in the era of ‘big hair’ and that’s all I knew) or straightening. Around 2010, I was fed up with trying to change and manipulate my hair to do things it didn’t want to do. So I began reading about taking care of curly hair, watching YouTube videos, and asking my hairstylist lots of questions.

And now I am nearing more present day. I do not even know what caused me to be done with coloring, highlighting, and the whole covering up of the white hair. It could be that I was needing more coloring more often. I used to be able to get away with it twice a year. It could be that life became more busy, my husband more ill, and hair coloring was put on hold for awhile. The last time I had my hair colored was in July 2018 (top left photo below). In the process of making steps to make life simpler on us in various ways, I decided it was time to simplify and let my hair do what it was going to do. I was always going to be fighting it anyway, and I didn’t need one more thing to stress over. My son so poetically calls the white hairs “silver ribbons.” How can I argue with that?? I recently had three inches cut off my hair to get rid of some of the color (bottom right photo).

Whatever season of life I am in, I can find joy even through great changes. And while this process makes me a bit self-conscious, I know that once the ‘silver ribbons’ are all grown out, I will be glad I did it. I have aunts and friends who have all white hair and I think they look gorgeous. My husband has a Military Student Appreciation Reception next week and college graduation May 19 and I have had a few moments of “maybe I should spruce my hair up and color it” for these occasions. But I know by the end of the year when most of this has grown out, when there will be more white than a mix of white and whatever-I-have-done-to-my-hair-in-the-past, I will be relieved to see more silver ribbons in my hair. I am making the personal decision to allow the real Professional, “who has the very hairs of {my} head all numbered” (Matthew 10:30) add His own highlights – silver ribbons.

Comfort Medicine

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“Now the Lord of peace himself give you peace always by all means. The Lord be with you all.”

2 Thessalonians 3:16

The other day, I went with my dad to his doctor’s appointment at the Veterans Administration. Through different things we were talking about, the doctor mentioned that when he came to work there, medicine regulations were not what they should have been. The VA was prescribing pain medication left and right and just kept renewing the prescriptions. “We’ve created addicts”, he said. They used to prescribe pain medication for six months after a surgery. Since around 2015, they have tried to correct this. Now they only give 2 weeks worth. This doctor is originally from India. He said that we are the only country who prescribes “comfort medicine”. Some medication is necessary, yes, but we have it for just about any ailment, and so easily available. And now that the VA is scaling back on re-prescribing certain medications, there are a lot of upset veterans trying to cope with the change.

But medicine is not the only way in which to seek comfort. We look for it in food, in television, in work, in social media, in the approval of strangers and acquaintances, in unhealthy ways, and in our personal relationships. The world is full of distractions and “remedies” to ease the pain of loneliness, boredom, rejection, discontentment, emotional stress, and more. And we have become addicted to our own ‘comfort medicine’ of choice that is within reach twenty-four hours a day. But the only place to find everlasting peace, the kind that goes way down deep, is through “the Lord of peace himself.”

Today, no matter what we are going through, may we look to the Source of Peace while we wait for medical results and upcoming doctor appointments. May we seek Him while we pray for our children who are struggling to find their footing–the younger and the older alike. May we know His peace when responsibilities weigh heavy. May we pursue the true Peace Maker in difficult relationships, in trying times, and remember Him always by all means. May the Lord be with you all.